One morning, about two weeks into social distancing and school closures, R grabbed my hand and insisted we have a dance party. She tugged at my fingers and then pulled with all her might. “Come on, mom,” she pleaded, “Come on!”
“I’m sorry, cutie,” I said, “I’m just too tired.”
Despite my reservations, she managed to drag me onto the living room dance floor. Maybe I’ll just swing my arms a little, I thought. I was too exhausted to imagine moving anything else. The previous two weeks I’d been in crisis mode with work, staying up late and getting up before dawn. My husband and I were both working full-time and splitting our days with our daughter. We’d barely had a moment to just sit and breathe, so when she insisted that we have a dance party, all I wanted was to melt into our couch instead.
When the first song came on R lit up. Suddenly she became a spirited array of wiggling and then wild, ecstatic jumping. I had seen R dance many times before, but this was another level. It was inspiring. I couldn’t help it, I started dancing too. She twirled in wild circles and I smiled. We both started spinning and I laughed. Everything just became the joy of me and my kid having a good time.
As the next song began, I realized that I had almost missed this amazing moment with my daughter. How many moments had I already shrugged off because I was too tired or too stressed? We had many weeks ahead of us, and we needed a lot more moments like this.
Finding more time for joy
After that, I made a conscious effort to shift things– my schedule, my expectations, my attitude. The result was that our lives quickly changed for the better. We now have more good days than bad, more time for joy than frustration. There is definitely no secret recipe for finding happy moments during this pandemic, we have just figured out what works for us. Here are a few things that have been our game-changers:
- Having a family lunch. Every day, R, her dad, and I sit down for family lunch. It doesn’t have to be for long and it can be as simple as reheating leftover pizza, but we set the table and for at least 15-20 minutes we eat together. With everything going on it is one of the few times we can connect during the day, and it is special to us all.
- Sticking to a routine. Before R started at PBMS, getting her down for a nap was an epic daily battle. Once in school, there were simple boundaries and basic routines that made all the difference. When school closed and we realized nap time was now in our hands alone, we decided that routine would be our lifeline. In fact, we realized that a day full of general routines would help. We don’t stress about hitting timing on the dot, but everyday flows through a series of general habits and routines for school sessions, meals, naps, snacks, stories, and bedtime. This functions as a predictable rhythm that R knows and is often excited to take charge of doing herself. It makes life easier for us all.
- Keeping boundaries between work and family time. When I started working from home years ago, I learned how easy it is to blur the lines between work and family life. These blurry lines are dangerous – you can’t focus, and you are constantly exhausted from having your brain flip-flopping between demands. My husband and I established boundaries early on with our work. We might work crazy hours, but if we need to work, we’re in another room and focused. When we’re with family, work is off. This helps us be more present as parents and better at our jobs.
- Playing along - Work is stressful, the news is horrendous. Sometimes it feels like there are more pressing matters to attend than playing with cars or reenacting Maisy Goes to the Bookstore, but when I let myself really just be with R it’s good for my heart and my head. Singing, painting elephants, and pretending to ride a train to the beach can be way more fun than worrying about a lot of other things these days. I’m letting myself enjoy playtime, and R is showing me the way.
On top of these things, my husband and I recognize that we are very fortunate. We have been able to maintain our jobs and our salaries while working from home. We get along and share the load when it comes to caring for R and the house. We have all stayed healthy. These are great privileges that have also deeply shaped our experience, and we remain aware of them every day.
Of course, I don’t want things to stay this way forever. I do look forward to a future where I get more sleep. I’m excited to get back to taking yoga classes and having dinner with friends. I want R to be able to go back to school, play with other kids, and use the slides at our local playground. But for now, I am focused on what is working. We want a reality that is more hopeful and positive, and that begins with what we decide to do at home. Without a doubt, that will also include a lot more dancing.
By H
