We were both anxious and felt uncertainties. He would cry and complain that he missed his daily routine of driving to school, his friends, teachers, playing, and… his mom just being his mommy.
He did not mind being confined/quarantined to the house because he understood why it had to be done, but the confinement was still an adjustment for him. As the days progressed, both he and I enjoyed the daily classes, but he was not too fond of mommy being both mom and teacher. Well, neither of us were prepared or ready for all these changes. Soon, hidden emotions of uncertainty, anxiety, stress, etc... surfaced for both of us. We found ourselves in uncharted waters. Understanding that social distancing and quarantining could potentially be much longer than originally anticipated meant homeschooling would also be longer. I dreaded the idea and so I had to figure out a better solution.
I realized that I had to understand the challenges we both faced and change the dynamics where we talked through our feelings positively on a regular basis geared towards fostering open and easy communication, trust, and support. I also wanted to encourage a “home” learning environment that was conducive to love, joy, transparency, learning, fun, openness, and FUN! I felt it was important that E knew his voice was equally as important as all the adults surrounding him daily, especially his mommy turned tommy (i.e., his teacher mommy). Yes, for now I am his “tommy”.
I continued to feel a bit lost and uncertain as we progressed through his daily schoolwork. He would become easily frustrated, emotional, and impatient if he did not get an answer correct or figure out the answer on his own. I could see the confusion in his eyes. He was not accustomed to me being his tommy, which made it worse. I was not sure how to handle this as what I tried didn’t seem to reassure him and/or encourage him in the most positive way. He also didn’t like all the changes that occurred in his life. Our daily schedule was frequently thrown off which caused more stress for me and I suspect for him also.
I felt very guilty because I was not enjoying the changes in my life either; I didn’t look forward to homeschooling. I/We had to make a change. Soon, I acknowledged what I was feeling and gave myself permission to make mistakes as we both navigated our way through this new reality. I forgave myself for (at times) feeling frustrated and anxious and acknowledged that these were honest and valid emotions. I also validated his honest feelings by letting him know it was ok to express exactly how and what he felt. I wanted him to know he was the priority.
We started having daily “talks” just prior to bedtime, which helped us set the schedule for the following day (i.e. set expectations up front). The talks gave both him and I a chance to decompress by speaking freely, addressing issues, encouraging positive behaviors, and rewarding successes with big hugs and kisses. There were times I let him know that I was sorry and mommy didn’t’ always know what to do, so he should feel free to let me know how he feels and what works for him. I found these daily bedtime talks to be rewarding and the most beneficial because E told me exactly what he liked, didn’t like, and what he enjoyed about the day’s events. He started going to sleep and waking up with a smile. I smiled too because it allowed me to get to know him better.
E’s perspective. Some of the things that makes him happy that helps to make his day more fun.
Morning cuddles in bed before we started our day. So, prior to the daily online class, we snuggle in bed and watch all the learning videos for that day then print out the math, language, and art projects.
Nightly “conversations” just prior to bed. I would simply ask him if he has anything on his mind that he wants to ask/talk about.
He told me one day that kids need play time every day with both mommy and daddy together, not just schoolwork. So, we make sure he has his play date with both mommy and daddy.
He’s the only child in the home and observed, then shared with me that he was the only one that “everyone” (i.e., the adults) was asking/telling him what to do; he said this was frustrating to him. So, we are mindful if he’s engaged in doing his own thing and allow him time to complete it.
He likes when he feels included and heard. Wants to be included in all tasks such as washing dishes, cooking, vacuuming, conversations, etc... So, I indulge him.
He wants to have fun with everything we do...even while doing schoolwork.
He said no one is allowed to be stressed. He shared that he could hear the stress through our voice tones and facial expressions. He says no elevens (i.e., frowning) allowed; this includes him also.
Some days he does not want to stick to a routine...he just wants to spend time together or play, so I comply especially because he usually gets through all the daily schoolwork by early afternoon. We take breaks from the am class some days and listen to the recorded video later in the day.
He wants my support by always being present. I took that to mean he wants me to be actively involved.
He wants to try new things on his own and knows he can ask for help if he needs it. This occurred when I tried to explain the math signs greater than and less than. He said, “Mom, I remember how to do this and I don’t need your help," so I let him proceed. Sure enough, he did remember what he had previously learned. I mindfully look for his queues and proceed as needed.
How I try to foster a positive learning environment for E.
I remove my feelings and emotions of how I'm feeling each day and make E the priority by focusing on what will make E comfortable and what will make it easiest for him to learn. I think about what will make learning fun for a child and I just do it (even if it means making a mess at times). At times, I engage him by doing crazy dances that makes him laugh out loud, while incorporating the day’s assignments. It does not matter how odd or uncomfortable it may feel to me. It’s about making sure E is happy, eager, and willing to learn while having fun.
I always think of what will make him want more…even if we’ve taken a break, what will make him willing to complete the schoolwork tasks. I look for cues from him because he enjoys knowing that his voice is important and that I listen to him. This is evidenced by me incorporating his ideas into how he learns; this seems to be especially important to him. I take pictures of his projects and record him learning to read, doing his math, etc...then send them to Ms. Viola via email daily (usually). E looks forward to Ms. Viola’s replies which I read to him. I also use these pics/emails to encourage him to complete the schoolwork by telling him that Ms. Viola is waiting to see/get his schoolwork.
I never get impatient, stressed, or rush him while he is learning; this is his time and he is the priority. I remain calm and support him through his feelings by validating, encouraging, and supporting him with gentle understanding tones in my voice. Usually, he pulls it together quickly. I act excited as he is learning which makes him become excited too. Now, E looks forward to the day, everyday, and at the end of it all we are both happy with the outcome. E is having fun while he learns at home.
By N.
